Whenever I am around a lot of people, I can always see more clearly how much of an introvert I truly am. I rather slink off on my own to explore, reflect, relax and be at peace with myself than go gallivanting with the group to a club or party or whatever.
I love my personal space and my time alone. Recently, especially as I am seeing on this trip in Bermuda, I would rather spend my free time alone in nature, looking around. I have spent a decent portion of today taking pictures of fish, birds and turtles by myself and just taking in the beauty and sun of Bermuda without knowing what everyone else was doing and without really caring.
I am truly coming into myself and accepting who I truly am regardless of what people say or think of me. I have had so many people misunderstand me or only see the bad side of me (the growing pains and my struggles) without seeing how far I have truly come. I do have my hugely irrational moments with my behavior and I do have my extreme moments of fear, anxiety, antisocial tendencies and aggravation but I do have moments where I show my deep deep character, my soul that is breaking through the thick wall I have built over years.
I have hardened in some ways over the years of struggles in my life, but the more that I come back to God, the more I open up to my love, the more I truly reflect on my life and who I want to be, the more I am cracking down that wall with a sledgehammer. I am tired of being this person controlled by emotions and illness and labels and other people’s perceptions. I am ready to shed that skin and emerge like a butterfly into who I know I am in my heart.
I am ready to respect myself and listen to what my heart says I need. I am ready to not follow the crowd but to carve out my own niche in life where I can see that I am not only good enough but am living the exact life I am meant to live. I am ready to accept that I am filling the space in the world that was meant for me and that I can only fill. I am ready to accept that I am special and important and that God has a grand plan for me.
I am ready to leave the past behind and cut the guilt and grudges that I hold because my life is unfolding to become greater than anything that ever was in my past. I am ready to turn a new leaf and finally become who I have been thinking I want to be and to finally live the way I want to live. I have someone so dear and precious to me, my love, my life, my light, that I have to share this beautiful gift of a life and we have such hope for our future that there is no amount of negativity in the world that could bring us down or sway me away from the path that I am on.
It is time to finally live for me, for my fiance, for my Lord and to find the place we belong and to rebuild community and Mother Earth.